Sestina- Five people in my life and myself

Little cute, funny, boy-bastard. Only 3 months ago you wouldn’t have been here
In this poem about the five people most prominently in my thoughts. Am I cursed
Or blessed by this childish infatuation with you? Everyone was surprised
When I told them about my feelings towards you. I thought I was keeping good control
Over them but still, like a little girl, I have been
Chasing after you three times today. Will this feeling last or will it soon be gone?

Oh my weak, ugly girl-baby opposite number. Were you surprised
That I could be what I am and shatter your illusions? You are cursed
With me for I won’t let you forget what you have been
Cross me and I will fight back. Days are gone
When you would rule unchallenged. The days are here
In which we will wrestle in the mud, fighting to gain dominance, to gain control.

the You changed everything. How I wish I could say I lost control
With you, but the choice was mine as much as yours. How surprised
They would be is they knew. Expert liar as I am. For two years I have been cursed
With thought of you but maybe pain is lessening. You have been
Out of my life so long the wounds are starting to heal. The scars will never be gone
But the pain will diminish. Your hold on me is weaker although you are still here.

Oh honey you have blessed and cursed
Me like no other and I hate and love you for it. At first we were both addicted to control,
We fought to have the upper hand and put the other down. I hope those days are gone
At last although I cannot be sure. A while ago I had been
Thinking I wanted us to drift apart. But I surprised
Myself by seeing it was no sin to stick by you. However sour you get I’m always here.

You are innocent and beautiful. For a while now you have been
The person I care most for in the world, I think. How surprised
And overjoyed I was finding someone like you could exist, cursed
By bitterness and hardened by the world as I was then. Without you it all would’ve gone
Sour. I have watched you grow and gradually regain control
Over your life. I am proud of you and hope you will always be here.

And me. Here by the window on new years day. Tired and teary, surprised at my loss of control over my feelings. I think how all of you have blessed and cursed me.
I re-live what has been, make a memory of what is gone and wonder at what is to come.